Simon hopes viewers tune in for car-crash Spears
- Last Updated: 5:35 AM, May 17, 2012
- Posted: 12:04 AM, May 17, 2012
Is that the stink of desperation we smell coming off of Simon Cowell?
Answer: If desperation smells like $16 million then yes, that’s what that pungent odor seems to be.
The other day Cowell announced to great fanfare that he’d hired Britney Spears for 15 million big ones and Demi Lovato for 1 million smaller ones, as “The X Factor” replacements for Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger.
Clearly the brains behind the behemoth of a show are hoping to bring back the simple magic of those good, old “American Idol” days when Paula was as likely to melt down as she was to get down or sit down.
Maybe Simon figures that with not one, but two females who have country homes in rehab that he can tempt us, the hungry public, with the prospect of at least one career-destroying meltdown per season.
Will Lovato stop eating and start cutting herself from the tension of having to throw people to the curb? Will Britney shave her head and show up as high as Mariah Carey’s whistle register?
Is seat-of-your-pants fright and worry for the two fragile females enough to make us tune in and forget that the whole setup of the show pretty much doesn’t work?
Sadly, that probably is enough — initially, anyway.
But that’s only because viewers will either be looking for salvation for the stars or, failing that, car-crash disasters.
Thing is, by the end of last season, “The X Factor” had already turned into a multi-vehicle accident — so they don’t need to import crash dummies.
Neither of these saviors has a track record when it comes to being brilliant talkers, teachers or judges. They are performers who have checkered pasts.
In Lovato’s case, we can also add an uncertain career future.
Sure, these shows generally do more for the performer than the show — although Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler initially gave “American Idol” a shot in the arm (OK, bad reference there — especially in Tyler’s case), but, in this case, Simon needs a savior after the horrible disasters of Scherzinger and that dolt, ex-show host Steve Jones, who was so idiotic that even hysterical, 12-year-old Rachel Crow shoved him away.
The second reason for hiring Spears and Lovato is that Cowell hopes to bring in younger viewers. It’s creativity via marketing. Usually not a great idea.
Well, actually never a good idea. Ask real singers and bands what happens when the suits decide what’s best for music.
What Cowell should have done is cut the judges down to three, stop holding camp at the judges’ rented houses, kill all those ridiculous over-produced numbers, and stop making each performance bigger than the opening ceremony of the Olympics!
Most importantly, judges shouldn’t be personal mentors or they end up voting for their own and turning viewers away in droves.
At this point, Britney could shave off all her body hair on camera, and it won’t change what’s fundamentally off-key with this show..