‘Dance Moms’ may not be realistic, but it’s real fun
- Last Updated: 12:30 AM, June 6, 2012
- Posted: 10:54 PM, June 4, 2012
Tonight at 9 on Lifetime
It’s a good thing Mayor Bloomberg doesn’t watch “Dance Moms.”
If he ever got a gander at Abby Lee Miller, the morbidly obese, out-of-control, rage freak who is the star of the hit reality show, he’d hop on his private jet and arrest her for sugar crimes against humanity.
If you haven’t watched the show, Miller is a dance instructor who can hardly make it across the studio, yet she spends her days berating, screaming and shaking her fists of fury at little girls who don’t jump, shake and flip the way she wants them to.
All that horrifying explosive rage and fury at children has paid off big time and turned Miller into a huge reality star, literally and figuratively.
“Dance Moms” enters its third season tonight as we join Miller and her star pupils, whom she screams at in what has come to be seen as the TV norm for dance schools.
As the mother of a girl who went to an NYC ballet school where the instructors were very mean — but very lean — and taught the kids actual classical dance as opposed to whatever the heck Miller is serving up, I can only say hapless fury is not normal. These kids are learning more about rage than the stage.
First off, the choreography, for the most part, isn’t even as good as so many dance troops that routinely show up on “America’s Got Talent.”
Miller’s looks old-fashioned and clumsy, and the costumes, for the most part, are a tacky mess. Last season, Miller even had these little girls in nude leotards doing burlesque fan dances. Yuck.
This is not to say that the show isn’t a huge guilty pleasure. It is because she’s so crazy and the actual mothers of the girls get so angry that they lash back at her or are so intimidated that they let her berate their kids as though she’s preparing them for the Bolshoi. It’s TV at its best/worst.
We all have read stories of parents suing teachers because they embarrass or upset their precious children in class and, here, we have near child abuse as dance instruction.
And that’s why the show’s a hit. People like to watch other people’s kids get disciplined —not their own.
On tonight’s show, we take up where the cliffhanger left us at the end of last season, when Miller got so mad because one little girl forgot her routine that she abandoned them and their mothers in NYC.
In real life, she’d be out of business in five minutes after word spread of this insane behavior.
But it’s reality TV — not reality.
Miller’s studio is a fun place to visit, but I’m so glad that no one I know and love has to live there.